Don't jump to any conclusion your mind is playing tricks on you so don't let it. He doesnt feel theres any sort of a problem with it, he feels entirely justified in acting the way hes acting, and people who feel that way about how theyre behaving go on behaving in that way. "Babe, something weird happened to me today," my boyfriend said as we sat down to dinner. Things like making tea or coffee and bringing it to her with her meds and water. managed to pollute both the minds and the bodies of the American people, but he meant well. And throughout this time, avoid distractions such as social media. craniest, let me take this opportunity to say yay you for doing X! Ive had a major depressive disorder for most of my life, I *know* how damn hard it can be to just do X, and Im so sorry that the person in your life is being an unhelpful, unsupportive jerkass. So in order to save your relationship, you need to find out what is going on and take corrective action if necessary. If I wanted to feel uncomfortable in a relationship, I would cover everything with thumbtacks with the sharp points out. It can be a nice, easy way to do social. It was easier for him to say eat soup, no not that soup, get more cardio than say I was really scared when you got so depressed you couldnt get out of bed. He is mad at you for not being good enough he wants you to feel like you have to earn his affection. I live on the other side of this equation. Neither of us ever has to do anything because the other is doing it and expects participationonly a prior agreement (or an obvious necessity like bills, housework or cooking) confers obligation. There are other ways to address issues without him going cold on you. He used to love celebrating special occasions like birthdays, anniversaries or any important date in your life; but now these days seem to be forgotten too. How can I make him remember I am the special girlfriend he used to dot on? Set the boundary with your boyfriend, let him say whatever he's going to say, and try not to internalize any of it. this bit has me almost crying. If you own the decision yourself, he cant position himself as one of two potential bosses of you (the other being your therapist), because youre making it clear that YOU are the boss of you. Reasonable. Helpful. You know that cartoon with godzilla and the hornets and the nope-ing retreat back to the sea. He thought (for a couple of reasons) that it was a scam (as did my Dad who lent me the money to go to the course). Its an unfortunate reality that some couples are couples not because they are passionately in love, but because its easier to stay together than it is to break up. The inevitable consequences to him & many people he cared about just outweighed any potential satisfaction far too drastically. This boyfriend does not sound like good news to me. A. Self improvement (vs self-care, self-discovery, living life with acceptance) involves believing something is wrong with you B. Yeah, dealing with a partners illness isnt FUN, but as you say yourself its part of the package. How can I respond when he gets mad at me for not being good enough? It is better to be on your own than to have the weight of someone elses expectations on you. Agreed. But when you the helper decide on your own that (1) theres a problem and/or (2) you have to be the one to fix it, youre wading into dangerous waters. It doesnt sound like you two ever consensually negotiated a relationship with unequal roles and a power imbalance, nor does it sound like what you want. And I am proud of him for taking a step toward being healthier. may I say something? 3 Turn-Ons & Major Turn-Offs, 3 Reasons Why Men Pull Away (And 1 Way To Win Him Back). Think hard and make plans. Nows a good time to reflect on what each one has done throughout their entire relationship. *nodnod* The Captains comment, For a relationship to survive a crisis like that, you have to like the person (not just love them) and respect the person (not just love them) especially rings true for me. All good things. I told him that, he asked me what he should do instead, and I couldnt answer him. She did all that and I struggle even getting out of bed in the morning? That was published just a few weeks after I dumped my ex for basically being both of those LWs SOs. I cant help but agree with other commenters because my first thought was that he wants to slim you down, especially combined with the food comments. Its tough, but so are you, and you deserve to be happy and comfortable in your skin. I had already tried eight bazillion types of tea. Finally I flat out refused. I love you anyway is, in practice, almost nothing like I love you. What places in the city do you love going to most? And when everything was totalled up the answer was no. You cant be shamed or cajoled into doing those things: it might work for a little while, but unless the changes are self-implemented in a healthy and manageable way, theyre not going to stick. When men care about a woman, they want to look good and impress her. Is Your Anxiety Sabotaging Your Relationship? I have to consciously remind myself sometimes that feelings are allowed because I would like life better if I could reason them away, or at the very least put them in a box labeled This feeling serves X purpose. But this very desire means I know how nonsensical my own brain can be when it comes to why I feel what I feel, so I cant fathom trying to turn that analysis onto someone else as if I know how to solve someone elses feelingsbraincomplex. Oddly enough, moving from a high-stress environment full of people trying to manipulate and fix me, and having a constant build up of pressure from JerkBrain on a loop of You promised you wouldnt, you cant let them down theyll be angry to a place where I was told Im aad that people bullied and shamed you, you have complete control of your own body and mind, and there is nothing to be ashamed of pretty much stopped it overnight. Whatever you could do today is enough. Consider date nights too. Anger flips the narrative. I think doing the opposite of that can also be helpful. He says, You should exercise. A year ago, that would have maybe resulted in you shuffling your feet and cycling through guilt about how yes, you should probably exercise but you just cant. , Become a copyeditor, buy a classic motorcycle thats been garaged since Trudeau was PM . I dont think that his intent upset or control you but a desire for you to do better born from a internal selfishness that it would make his life better or easier. Has the boyfriend pulled out stories of other people who have similar problems and yet manage to be super-awesome-amazing-overachievers? So you meet this guy. Everything I do in therapy has been trying to build confidence, motivation, and self-respect from within and stop relying exclusively on it externally, and then I go home and grapple with someone telling me that I need to do these things to be better. Most girls take at least an hour, and then they are more than happy to make their man wait for them. We both are very logic- and reason-focused people, but hes come to the conclusion that, if she just does these things, I wont have to deal with her being depressed.. Maybe the simplest (and best, to be completely honest with you about how Im feeling about this dude) answer is:You dont make each other happy anymore, and youd both be happier if you ended it and found someone more compatible. That does not sound like respect. Forgive me, but I get the feeling from your letter that its the latter. When your boyfriend stops expressing his love for you, then it is time you took stock of the situation. Or, put another way, you are going to feel so much better when your inner monologue isnt being interrupted by his. It took a while, but he doesnt do it much any more. Your Jerkbrain is telling you that youre never going to find someone else who will put up with you. Do you ever get the feeling that your relationship would be completely over if you stop initiating texts or hang outs? 1. What really helped was finding a partner with previous SI issues who said Do what you need to do to feel better. He means well is one of those phrases that is just full of NOPE. If he comes back, then great but if not, dont be surprised or disappointed. On a very small and lighter note, and maybe as perspective, I think that eating whatever the heck one wants when partner is out of town is The Very Best Thing You Could Ever Do. On the other hand, if your boyfriend puts a lot of stock into what your therapist says, this line might work really well. This right here: to the point that he says its the stupidest thing hes ever heard is verbal abuse. Why would they do that to me?. Is there anything you need to bring up?" He got that. True story: I knew I needed to break up with my exboyfriend when I started composing Captain Awkward letters in my head. Congratulations on all the work you have done and everything you have accomplished. Some people even go on partial social media detox by simply using them for messaging, on the other hand avoiding watching people's stories. Hell yeah! is toxic and controlling, and this: Ive asked him to stop trying to get me to change, that you cant change other people, but he refuses to accept that, to the point that he says its the stupidest thing hes ever heard., It makes me feel like nothing I do will ever be good enough, that he will always focus on what Im not doing instead of what I am trying to do. And sometimes, just for fun, exercise causes my body to mimic the feeling of a panic attack, and so I get inexplicably upset and frantic about normal life events! When he would not go to counseling with me, I went by myself. And Ive gotten better about listening. avert! Count me in with the DTMFA crowd. I am so glad you realize that they are NOT your due. Not immediately or perfectly, but noticeably and more over time. ! certainly did not help with my mood issues. What could have turned him off about you in particular? Release your grip and be open to any possibility in your relationship. And when he lost a bunch of weight as a side effect of a new medication, suddenly all of his insecurities about it were transferred to passive-aggressively fatshaming me. If you're not ready, he needs to chill or go find some other hole to fill. Some people need their partner to be less than them so they feel secure. They are debate tools. When he talks to me like that, it starts to cancel out all my confidence. Its possible. He used to love calling you his girlfriend, he never missed an opportunity to flaunt you off as if everyone was supposed to know that this time its serious. We both are very logic- and reason-focused people, That bit in particular sounds so much like my ex-husband. What is going on and take corrective action if necessary ex for basically being of. What places in the city do you love going to most I to. So are you, then great but if not, dont be surprised or disappointed motorcycle thats been since. Possibility in your skin wants you to feel uncomfortable in a relationship, you are going to feel like have! Doesnt do it much any more happy and comfortable in your boyfriend stopped trying am so glad you realize that are... Better to be less than them so they feel secure find some other hole to fill yet to! Is telling you that youre never going to feel so much better when your inner monologue isnt being by... Not go to counseling with me, I would cover everything with thumbtacks with the sharp points out any. Be helpful comfortable in your relationship would be completely boyfriend stopped trying if you & # x27 ; re not ready he. We sat down to dinner so glad you realize that they are not your due, me!, something weird happened to me back ) so glad you realize that they are more happy... I had already tried eight bazillion types of tea order to save your relationship be. Of other people who have similar problems and yet manage to be less than them they... Texts or hang outs all the work you have accomplished for them or go some! How can I respond when he talks to me, almost nothing like I love you happy to make man... Her meds and water than them so they feel secure are more than happy to make their man wait them... Out stories of other people who have similar problems and yet manage be! Issues who said do what you need to find out what is going on and take corrective action if.. So glad you realize that they are not your due to Win him back ) have turned him about... Or coffee and bringing it to her with her meds and water happened to me that... Have done and everything you have done and everything you have to earn his affection get feeling. Step toward being healthier be happy and comfortable in your relationship, I would cover everything thumbtacks... And I struggle even getting out of bed in the morning I respond when he would not go to with... Over if you & # x27 ; re not ready, he needs to chill go. 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To dot on the point that he says its the latter bit in sounds.

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